Day 6 & Day 7

Day 6 {What not to say}

  This isn't an easy one to write.  People mean well but sometimes they are just plain ignorant. Here are some things that Daniel and I have a hard time hearing...   1.  It will be OK soon... Actually NO it won't.  We lost our child and their future and it's not going to be OK until I'm in Heaven with her.   2.  You will have other kids... I pray that we do but it still doesn't make it easier.  We wanted to see Hadley grow up, hold her NOW, kiss her NOW.   3.  At least you already have a child... Yes, true we are SO thankful and blessed for Briley.  But having a living child doesn't make losing a child one bit easier.    4.  I can't talk about her it makes me sad... I understand that people handle grief differently but Hadley was our child and we will talk about her and celebrate her until the day we are reunited with her.   5.  Everything happens for a reason... No everything happens because God's plan is perfect.  There doesn't have to be a reason.  Hadley didn't die because I did something wrong during my pregnancy or because she was sick.  Looking for reasons for something so tragic is not what I choose to focus on.
6.  Maybe something was wrong with her... No actually she was perfect and there was nothing wrong with her, but if there was something "wrong" with her it wouldn't have mattered one bit to us.   7.  I understand how you feel... Maybe you think you do but honestly you don't.  Plain and simple.   8.  At least it happened early and not when she was 2, 10, or 20. Losing a child at any age hurts.  No matter if they lived for 30 minutes or 30 years.   9.  Time heals all wounds... I've said this before, I don't agree with this statement.  Time isn't going to heal me, I'm never going to be completely healed on earth.  BUT I have peace in my heart because I KNOW I will be made whole again in the presence of God and my Savior, Jesus Christ.   10.  It's been a year I bet your doing a lot better... I'm understanding how to cope with our loss better but on the inside it still hurts just as much.  At 2, 5, 10, 20, 50 years I will still hurt.   I feel like this post is harsh but it's our true feelings.  We know people aren't sure what to say but saying things like this are not helpful.  In the future when things like this are said I pray God gives me the right words to respond and be, "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger"- James 1:9.   Day 7 {What to say}   I can think of lots of good things to say...but I think the most important is REMEMBERING them.  Talk of them often...it's not going to bring up grief that doesn't already exist in our life.  Saying their name, mentioning that you saw something that reminded you of them, remembering important dates, taking a picture of something that has their name on it...all are so precious to a family that has lost a baby.   The best piece of advice I can give is don't be afraid to bring them up...the parents are probably thinking about them anyways!!

Sent to me by a friend that saw her name in a pottery barn magazine :)   ~Melissa