Continuing with the grief project, I'm going to combine Day 6 (What not to say) and Day 7 (What to say) together and save them for tomorrow. Instead of the grief project, I want to share with you our pictures from the Walk to Remember we attended today. It is our 2nd MEND walk to attend and even though it was pretty chilly and gray it still ended up being a beautiful day that honored hundreds of sweet babies. Daniel was even asked to play the bagpipes so that made it that much more special for our family :)
So thankful to MEND for putting together such a precious day to remember our two angels in Heaven. We were blessed by our family and friends that were there to support us.
I LOVE this new song by Mercy Me, "The Hurt and the Healer". If you haven't heard it you MUST listen to it.
I texted my sister-in-law, Mariah, and told her to listen to it because it pretty much explains our lives the past year and I knew it would bring her comfort too.
I’m alive Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide
This is a video explaining where the inspiration from the song came from...
"A good name is better than fine perfume, and the day of death better than the day of birth.
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart." -Ecclesiastes 7:1-2
This song really bring me back "home" and looking at the bigger picture. Who would think that a day of death is better than a day of birth? As hard as it is for our earthly hearts and minds to comprehend it is so true.
I'm starting my week remembering that the hurt is nothing that THE HEALER can't overcome. He is slowing healing me and I will be healed forever in eternity with Hadley and HIM.
Daniel and decided a while back that I would take off for Hadley's birthday (it wasn't even a question) and spend it together as a family. We did just that and it was a perfect day. Was it really "perfect"? No. Like I told many that asked how our day was, it had its ups and downs. But it did end up being perfect for us.
I started the day with making sure I was awake the at the time she was born...2:15 a.m. The time my beautiful 2nd born came into this world and shortly later went home to be with our Savior.
Briley and I waited for Daniel to get home from the station and then we headed to release her 12 balloons first. It was hard to think about not coming on the 28th of each month to do this. Daniel brought up a good point that we can still come and do that whenever we need to. Nothing about her 1st birthday says we have to stop...so we still might release balloons every once and awhile. But of course it will always be a tradition on her birthday.
We then headed to the hospital where both our sweet girls were born. We hadn't plan to do this but on our way to lunch I thought about our wonderful nurse, Shelly, and how I thought it would be neat to bring her flowers on Hadley's birthday. She was so amazing to us on the day Hadley was born and passed away. She sat with Daniel and I and talked with us for at least 2 hours about Hadley, her service, about Briley, etc. I know she wasn't just doing it to be nice. She really cared about us and has continued to text us since the day we left the hospital. She even came to her funeral as did my OB. Daniel and I were so lucky to be surrounded by amazing doctors and nurses. Daniel and I both agreed it was a great idea and so we picked her up some flowers and headed to the antepartum floor. It was the first time I had even been on that floor since we left the hospital. It was so hard yet so healing at the same time. Unfortunately, Shelly wasn't at work but we left them at the desk and I texted a picture to her. :)
After lunch, we decided to take Briley to the Grapevine Aquarium. She has been so obsessed with Nemo lately so we knew she would love this. We were so right...she had a blast!!
This girl that works at the aquarium was SO sweet. She asked Briley lots of questions (mostly relating to Nemo) and Briley LOVED talking to her. The girl new Finding Nemo very well so her and Briley had a lot to talk about!!
In the above picture, she asked Briley what that black thing was. Briley wasn't answering and so I said to Briley, "That's a sting ray." She replied back, "Mr. Ray, they ride him to school!" If you have seen the movie all the fish going to school ride on Mr. Ray's back and he is their teacher. This little girl seriously can tell you every part of this movie...she even speaks whale like Dory!! ;)
She had such a great time and Daniel and I loved seeing her smiling face and squeals every time she saw a fish from Nemo!!
We did a little shopping and before we left the mall Briley Ann talked us into a carousel ride and one of the cheap merry go round rides!! Spoiled much??
Before we headed to eat dinner we stopped by to see our sweet girl one last time on her birthday. This visit was harder than the morning. Daniel and I sat on a nearby bench and enjoyed the pretty breeze and let Briley play for a bit. We talked about how at times it still doesn't seem real that his Mom is gone or that this happened to Hadley. Even a year later we are still in shock and grieving hard.
On the way home I listened to Hadley's song, Bring the Rain, and I told Daniel that I couldn't remember the last time I had listened to this song. Each time I tried to before it was too hard and I always turned it off. I think it had been at least 6 months since I had listened to it. So I let it play and the rain definitely came. I cried HARD. Daniel rubbed my back and sweet Briley said, "Mommy it's ok, dont' cry, I'll take care of you." She always finds a way to humble me. In her sweet voice, in Daniel's comforting touch, and Hadley's presence in my tears, God was saying, "My dear sweet Melissa...give me all your hurt, your pain, your anger, your fears...I CARE for you more than you can imagine."
"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more." Psalm 71:20-21
We made it through the first year because of the one that cares about us the most.
