Saturday, January 28, 2012

11 months

How is her birthday one month away?  I can't believe we are almost to a year.  I am planning a small party with family and friends on the Sunday before her birthday.  I can't imagine not doing anything for her.  She deserves for her family and friends to come celebrate her 1st birthday...

Daniel is working today so we headed to see Hadley early this morning in our pj's :)
11 months in Heaven
January 28, 2012
We love you so much Hadley D'Layne!!

In Christ's Love,

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Mom's 49th Birthday

A couple weeks ago we celebrated my Mom's 49th birthday with a fun dinner out with our family.  It was such a blast and I love these pictures from the night so I wanted to make sure and blog about it!!

Mom you are so special to our family and we would not be who we are without you.  Briley is very lucky to have such a wonderful Gigi!!  You don't look a day over 35 by the way!!  :) LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

In Christ's Love,

Thursday, January 19, 2012

What I miss...

A year ago yesterday, my Mother-in-law went to be with Jesus.

I miss her so much.  I can't even begin to imagine what Daniel, my sis-in-law and father-in-law are feeling.  

We spent yesterday evening together, just the 5 of us.  Daniel, Briley, Mariah, Papa, and myself.  We visited Tammie and then came home and made chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, and rolls!!  It was a favorite meal of Tammie's and she always cooked it so well.  We didn't really talk much...we just enjoyed sitting together and watching the new American Idol auditions, which she always enjoyed watching with Mariah.  We have pretty much settled into our new normal as an extended family of 5.  This time last year we thought it would have grown to 6 and it is SO hard thinking back to last year when Tammie died and having no idea what was in store for us the next 6 weeks. 

It's heartbreaking to read this post I wrote last year.

A year later I have to tell you it still hurts bad.  We miss her more everyday.  Cancer truly does SUCK. 

In November, I attended a grief class at church and the counselor asked us to write down 5 things we miss about the person we have lost.
Here were my 5 for Tammie:
1.  I miss talking to you.  
We had the best talks while Daniel and his Dad were outside working on who knows what.  She was the BEST listener.  She always wanted to hear what was going on in our lives and she NEVER acted like she was too busy.  Her children were her life.

2.  I miss seeing you with Briley.  
She was and still is (in Heaven) an amazing Nonnie.  Briley was so incredibly blessed to have her here for the first year and a half of her life.  It's so hard not to see Tammie with her now.  I know that is one of the hardest things for Daniel.  We know in our hearts that she is Briley's angel and is seeing what an amazing little girl she is growing up to be but our selfishness wants to witness it ourselves.  I know we  will understand later but for now we just have to pray for peace when our pain is too hard to bear.

3.  I miss our family dinners.
I started going out to eat with Daniel's family on a regular basis while we were dating, and even though I had known Daniel and his family since I was 11, I LOVED getting to know his family on a level I hadn't before and it first started with our dinners.  Tammie was  also VERY adamant that on your birthday we all go out to eat as a family and YOU get to pick the place, no matter what anyone else likes.  Tammie and I would usually pick Mexican on our birthday's which no one really likes except for us!!  :)  We shared a love for guacamole and now Briley loves it too!!

4.  I miss your gentle nature and LOVE for kids.
Anyone that met Tammie said what a wonderful person she was.  She worked as a school secretary at an elementary school and even though she loved her coworkers she loved her job mostly because of the kids.  She and I would attend the annual education dinner at church together and I miss that.  I didn't want to go this year without was too hard.

5.  I miss your memory.
I know it sounds a little silly but I really do.  She had the BEST memory and kept a record of everything.  I wish I would be better at this.  When we would compare what Briley was doing to what Daniel did as a baby she always knew exactly when he ate baby food, crawled, walked, etc.  She could tell you almost anyone's birthday/anniversary in the family.  I will be honest...this past year some family birthdays have been forgotten because we depended on her memory so much.  Mariah is trying really hard to keep a family calendar up to date and I know Tammie would be proud of her for that.

Can you tell what an amazing woman she was?  She truly was a woman of God and even in the midst of pain and suffering she shined in her faith tremendously. 

Happy 1 year in Heaven Nonnie!!  We love you and miss you and Hadley everyday.
In Christ's Love,

Thursday, January 12, 2012

My little skier...

A couple weeks ago Daniel and I were working on a project with cardboard and had to cut different pieces to fit a frame.  We left the scraps on the floor while we were working and we heard a little voice say...

"Look Mommy and Daddy!!  I'm skiing!!"

I know she's my child and I'm biased but I thought it was pretty creative for a 2 year old to grab scraps of cardboard on the ground and pretend they are skis.  Daniel and I laughed so hard and had to take pictures of course!!
We hope to take her skiing for real someday!!

In Christ's Love,

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Light in Me...

I remember thinking in early summer how much I wanted 2011 to be over.  I kept saying to Daniel all year I just want it to be 2012...I wish it would hurry and get here.

Yesterday was pretty emotional for me.  I was in a yucky mood and wasn't very nice to my patient husband and I kept thinking all day what is my deal?  I have been wanting 2012 to get here so bad and with it being hours away I was very anxious.  I had this huge wave of sadness because I know that Tammie and Hadley's angel dates are quickly approaching and I can't believe it's almost been a year.

Now that it is 2012 I feel like my grief is still so strong.  I hate the idea of being so close to the time after our loss...already a year later. 

Tonight I was getting Briley ready for bed and as I was brushing her hair she was singing a song.  I couldn't really tell what she was singing so I asked her to sing it again and she said..."You put the light in me, you put the light in me, you put the light in me!"  She kept singing it over and over again and then I realized she was singing this song...

Leave it to my precious daughter to humble me.  We had a very hard year...God isn't going to deny that to us.  But, I'm not going to let myself be afraid of 2012 or look back on 2011 with pain.  I'm going to look ahead at 2012 showing EVERYONE that HE put the light in me.  That's what I'm here for.  I'm here because of HIM and I want to bring more glory to Him in 2012 than I ever have before.

I don't know what God has in store for us but I'm going to trust Him.  Just like I did before our loss and like I have been doing and will continue to do everyday after.

Here is my sweet girl singing the song she and God brought to my heart tonight...

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16

In Christ's Love,