Thursday, January 19, 2012

What I miss...

A year ago yesterday, my Mother-in-law went to be with Jesus.

I miss her so much.  I can't even begin to imagine what Daniel, my sis-in-law and father-in-law are feeling.  

We spent yesterday evening together, just the 5 of us.  Daniel, Briley, Mariah, Papa, and myself.  We visited Tammie and then came home and made chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, corn, and rolls!!  It was a favorite meal of Tammie's and she always cooked it so well.  We didn't really talk much...we just enjoyed sitting together and watching the new American Idol auditions, which she always enjoyed watching with Mariah.  We have pretty much settled into our new normal as an extended family of 5.  This time last year we thought it would have grown to 6 and it is SO hard thinking back to last year when Tammie died and having no idea what was in store for us the next 6 weeks. 

It's heartbreaking to read this post I wrote last year.

A year later I have to tell you it still hurts bad.  We miss her more everyday.  Cancer truly does SUCK. 

In November, I attended a grief class at church and the counselor asked us to write down 5 things we miss about the person we have lost.
Here were my 5 for Tammie:
1.  I miss talking to you.  
We had the best talks while Daniel and his Dad were outside working on who knows what.  She was the BEST listener.  She always wanted to hear what was going on in our lives and she NEVER acted like she was too busy.  Her children were her life.

2.  I miss seeing you with Briley.  
She was and still is (in Heaven) an amazing Nonnie.  Briley was so incredibly blessed to have her here for the first year and a half of her life.  It's so hard not to see Tammie with her now.  I know that is one of the hardest things for Daniel.  We know in our hearts that she is Briley's angel and is seeing what an amazing little girl she is growing up to be but our selfishness wants to witness it ourselves.  I know we  will understand later but for now we just have to pray for peace when our pain is too hard to bear.

3.  I miss our family dinners.
I started going out to eat with Daniel's family on a regular basis while we were dating, and even though I had known Daniel and his family since I was 11, I LOVED getting to know his family on a level I hadn't before and it first started with our dinners.  Tammie was  also VERY adamant that on your birthday we all go out to eat as a family and YOU get to pick the place, no matter what anyone else likes.  Tammie and I would usually pick Mexican on our birthday's which no one really likes except for us!!  :)  We shared a love for guacamole and now Briley loves it too!!

4.  I miss your gentle nature and LOVE for kids.
Anyone that met Tammie said what a wonderful person she was.  She worked as a school secretary at an elementary school and even though she loved her coworkers she loved her job mostly because of the kids.  She and I would attend the annual education dinner at church together and I miss that.  I didn't want to go this year without was too hard.

5.  I miss your memory.
I know it sounds a little silly but I really do.  She had the BEST memory and kept a record of everything.  I wish I would be better at this.  When we would compare what Briley was doing to what Daniel did as a baby she always knew exactly when he ate baby food, crawled, walked, etc.  She could tell you almost anyone's birthday/anniversary in the family.  I will be honest...this past year some family birthdays have been forgotten because we depended on her memory so much.  Mariah is trying really hard to keep a family calendar up to date and I know Tammie would be proud of her for that.

Can you tell what an amazing woman she was?  She truly was a woman of God and even in the midst of pain and suffering she shined in her faith tremendously. 

Happy 1 year in Heaven Nonnie!!  We love you and miss you and Hadley everyday.
In Christ's Love,

1 comment:

Angie said...

Praying for you and your family.

In April it will be 8 years since we lost Gary's dad. It is so hard. We miss him so much. He never got to meet our kids. That is the hardest part for us. He'd be a wonderful grandpa!

Keeping you in my prayers for sure!