I remember thinking in early summer how much I wanted 2011 to be over. I kept saying to Daniel all year I just want it to be 2012...I wish it would hurry and get here.
Yesterday was pretty emotional for me. I was in a yucky mood and wasn't very nice to my patient husband and I kept thinking all day what is my deal? I have been wanting 2012 to get here so bad and with it being hours away I was very anxious. I had this huge wave of sadness because I know that Tammie and Hadley's angel dates are quickly approaching and I can't believe it's almost been a year.
Now that it is 2012 I feel like my grief is still so strong. I hate the idea of being so close to the time after our loss...already a year later.
Tonight I was getting Briley ready for bed and as I was brushing her hair she was singing a song. I couldn't really tell what she was singing so I asked her to sing it again and she said..."You put the light in me, you put the light in me, you put the light in me!" She kept singing it over and over again and then I realized she was singing this song...
Leave it to my precious daughter to humble me. We had a very hard year...God isn't going to deny that to us. But, I'm not going to let myself be afraid of 2012 or look back on 2011 with pain. I'm going to look ahead at 2012 showing EVERYONE that HE put the light in me. That's what I'm here for. I'm here because of HIM and I want to bring more glory to Him in 2012 than I ever have before.
I don't know what God has in store for us but I'm going to trust Him. Just like I did before our loss and like I have been doing and will continue to do everyday after.
Here is my sweet girl singing the song she and God brought to my heart tonight...
"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16
In Christ's Love,