Forever love

"So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." ~Ephesians 3:17-19   I was reading in my bible tonight and came across this verse in Ephesians.  It's like a love letter isn't it?  Doesn't that just describe a perfect and forever love? My prayer tonight is that you know this love.  If your still searching for it just know He will NEVER turn His back on you.  He wants more than anything for you to know this perfect and forever love.     He has shown me this forever love so many times...
I can feel it every time I look at Daniel.
When I hear Briley tell me she loves me.
When I think of holding Hadley the night she was born.   When I look at the beautiful sonogram of our 3rd sweet girl.   I don't feel worthy of this love, but I'm SO thankful for it.  
I can't fully grasp how wide, long, high, and deep this forever love is.  But God gives us little glimpses all the time.  If your struggling with believing in His love I urge you to think about it the next time you feel pure happiness or incredible pain.     In this fallen, broken, and changing world His perfect and forever love never leaves us.   I can't think of receiving a better love letter than that on this Valentine's Day.   My glimpses of His love...

 

My heart will fully grasp this love when I am forever in His presence.  

I long for the day...

Love,

Melissa

MEND Walk to Remember 2012

Continuing with the grief project, I'm going to combine Day 6 (What not to say) and Day 7 (What to say) together and save them for tomorrow.  Instead of the grief project, I want to share with you our pictures from the Walk to Remember we attended today.  It is our 2nd MEND walk to attend and even though it was pretty chilly and gray it still ended up being a beautiful day that honored hundreds of sweet babies.  Daniel was even asked to play the bagpipes so that made it that much more special for our family :)

 

  So thankful to MEND for putting together such a precious day to remember our two angels in Heaven.  We were blessed by our family and friends that were there to support us. ~Melissa 

In His Time...

I have shared our story with many people I have encountered, but I have never had the opportunity to share our testimony in front of a large group.  On August 5th I was given that chance and I spoke to our new church family at Alliance Community Fellowship.  I was given this opportunity to speak because I was not only asked by our Pastor to share our story but I was also being presented to the church as the new Children's Director.   Yes, blog friends!  You read that right :)  I am the new Children's Director for our church and I can't tell you how overjoyed, blessed, humbled and excited I feel.  I am no longer teaching and working soley for our church.  It wasn't a hard decision to step away from teaching because I had such a peace about where God was calling me.  Of course it was hard to leave old students and co-workers/friends, but I know without a doubt this is the perfect plan God has for myself and my family.  I have already been in this position for a month and though it has been a crazy whirlwind of a month, I am LOVING every minute.  I am helping children understand how much God loves them, and alongside their parents, helping lead them to Christ.  It is simply amazing.  I also have a very flexible schedule that is allowing me to work from home as well as the church.  When I am at church I bring Briley with me!!  This is a HUGE blessing for Daniel and I.  We have been praying for a long time that God's plan would allow me to have more time at home with Briley and of course He didn't ignore our prayer.  He answered it...He answered it BIG TIME.   To prepare for sharing my testimony to the church I wrote it out first and I want to share with you what I said.  I have never told you "our story" from start to finish and I'm excited to finally do that.  I hope it gives you a little more insight on who Daniel and I are and the path God has chosen for our family...He truly does make everthing beautiful in HIS time and I know He is only getting started on the beauty He has in store for our family....   Our Story {click the link} Blessings,   Melissa

Calm My Anxious Heart...

This excerpt comes from Linda Dillow's book, Calm My Anxious Heart.  

I really needed this today and I'm thankful God showed it to me...

The Lord is my peace.  I shall not live in anxiety,  He puts me under his wing of comfort and calms my spirit within me.  He takes all my anxieties on Himself and helps me to focus on Him.  Yes, though I walk through a time of grace uncertainties and fierce anxieties. I will not fret--for You are my peace.  Your word and Your presence calm me now.  You hold my uncertainties in the palm of your hand.  You soothe my anxious mind--You smooth my wrinkled brow.  Surely serenity and trust in You shall fill me all the days of my life.  And I shall keep my mind stayed on you forever.

-A paraphrase of of Psalm 23: written by Judy Booth

~Melissa

Fan or a Follower?

Daniel and I have started attending a small group at our new church and we were able to watch the last couple episodes of a study they have been doing titled, Fan or Follower?  Just the few episodes we have seen has really impacted me...

...am I a fan or a follower?  

I want to say I'm a follower.  I think parts of me are.  But I'm not completely there.  I want to be SO bad and I know Jesus is clearing MY (yucky and sinful) path so I can TRULY follow him.  Every day, every hour, every minute, every second.  A fan is someone on the sidelines and I absolutely do not want to be left there. 

HE isn't asking much...how can I just be a fan when he's holding out his hand and giving me eternity with God?  I know I'm saved by His grace but I think what I'm asking myself tonight is what am I doing with my salvation that shows I'm not just a fan but a follower?

He's given me everything I need to be a follower...I can't let HIM down.

Blog Funk...

I can't believe it has been over 2 weeks since my last post.  I told Daniel that I feel like I'm in a blog funk...honestly since my last post life has just been so busy and it is finally starting to slow down.  I finished school, we have been busy with family/friends, and this past Saturday Briley had her 3rd birthday party with all her sweet friends.  

I'm hoping this post and sneak peek of her birthday party will get me motivated to get back to my blogging!!

 

Thank you for all your comments from my last post.  We appreciate all the prayers as we walk in this difficult journey of loss...and we are so thankful for our Savior for carrying us every step of the way.

 

Next post...a Minnie Mouse 3rd Birthday Party!!

Our Heavenly Hadley

I am linking up with Kelly's Korner today on her SUYL-Mom's who have lost children.
I'm thankful to Kelly for choosing this topic and allowing us to connect with other Mom's who have lost. You can start here and read about our journey.  
We are now over a year out from the loss of our Hadley and even though the sting is less each day...the ache, the pain, the why's, the hopes lost for her future, etc. are all still very present.
I am SO thankful to have a Heavenly Father that loves us so much and will take away all of my heartache when I stand in His presence in Heaven one day with our Hadley.
We have done several things to keep Hadley's memory ALIVE and PRESENT in our family even though she is not.  I want to share a few with you in hopes you might get your own ideas to honor your sweet baby!!

Her Name Gallery
A Year of Balloons
MEND Walk to Remember
MEND Candlelight ceremony
Hadley's Birthday Part 1 & Part 2
Balloon Found
 

 I am looking forward to connecting with other Mom's through this post...I pray each of us have a moment of PEACE today and realize we are not alone.  

 

"And I know there'll be days, when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain!!" ~Mercy Me

 

the hurt...THE HEALER

I LOVE this new song by Mercy Me, "The Hurt and the Healer".  If you haven't heard it you MUST listen to it.  

I texted my sister-in-law, Mariah, and told her to listen to it because it pretty much explains our lives the past year and I knew it would bring her comfort too.

I’m alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I’ve fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

This is a video explaining where the inspiration from the song came from...

"A good name is better than fine perfume,
   and the day of death better than the day of birth.
 It is better to go to a house of mourning
   than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
   the living should take this to heart." -Ecclesiastes 7:1-2 

This song really bring me back "home" and looking at the bigger picture.  Who would think that a day of death is better than a day of birth?  As hard as it is for our earthly hearts and minds to comprehend it is so true.  

I'm starting my week remembering that the hurt is nothing that THE HEALER can't overcome.  He is slowing healing me and I will be healed forever in eternity with Hadley and HIM.

 

Balloon Found!

Someone found one of Hadley's balloons that we released at her 1st birthday celebration :)  Isn't that amazing??

I still plan to do a post of more pictures of her birthday but here is what we attached to each balloon...

Here is what they emailed me:

 Princeton is about 71 miles from where we released her balloons!!

I love that this sweet family took the time to email us back.

I love that they learned about our Hadley.

I love that God turned my ordinary day into an extraordinary one.

Sweet Hadley...you are changing lives everyday!!

A family day to celebrate our girl...

 Daniel and decided a while back that I would take off for Hadley's birthday (it wasn't even a question) and spend it together as a family.  We did just that and it was a perfect day.  Was it really "perfect"?  No.  Like I told many that asked how our day was, it had its ups and downs.  But it did end up being perfect for us.  

 I started the day with making sure I was awake the at the time she was born...2:15 a.m.  The time my beautiful 2nd born came into this world and shortly later went home to be with our Savior.

Briley and I waited for Daniel to get home from the station and then we headed to release her 12 balloons first.  It was hard to think about not coming on the 28th of each month to do this.  Daniel brought up a good point that we can still come and do that whenever we need to.  Nothing about her 1st birthday says we have to stop...so we still might release balloons every once and awhile.  But of course it will always be a tradition on her birthday.

We then headed to the hospital where both our sweet girls were born.  We hadn't plan to do this but on our way to lunch I thought about our wonderful nurse, Shelly, and how I thought it would be neat to bring her flowers on Hadley's birthday.  She was so amazing to us on the day Hadley was born and passed away.  She sat with Daniel and I and talked with us for at least 2 hours about Hadley, her service, about Briley, etc.  I know she wasn't just doing it to be nice.  She really cared about us and has continued to text us since the day we left the hospital.  She even came to her funeral as did my OB.  Daniel and I were so lucky to be surrounded by amazing doctors and nurses.   Daniel and I both agreed it was a great idea and so we picked her up some flowers and headed to the antepartum floor.  It was the first time I had even been on that floor since we left the hospital.  It was so hard yet so healing at the same time.  Unfortunately, Shelly wasn't at work but we left them at the desk and I texted a picture to her.  :)

After lunch, we decided to take Briley to the Grapevine Aquarium.  She has been so obsessed with Nemo lately so we knew she would love this.  We were so right...she had a blast!!

This girl that works at the aquarium was SO sweet.  She asked Briley lots of questions (mostly relating to Nemo) and Briley LOVED talking to her.  The girl new Finding Nemo very well so her and Briley had a lot to talk about!!

In the above picture, she asked Briley what that black thing was.  Briley wasn't answering and so I said to Briley, "That's a sting ray."  She replied back, "Mr. Ray, they ride him to school!"  If you have seen the movie all the fish going to school ride on Mr. Ray's back and he is their teacher.  This little girl seriously can tell you every part of this movie...she even speaks whale like Dory!! ;)

 

She had such a great time and Daniel and I loved seeing her smiling face and squeals every time she saw a fish from Nemo!!

We did a little shopping and before we left the mall Briley Ann talked us into a carousel ride and one of the cheap merry go round rides!!  Spoiled much??

 Before we headed to eat dinner we stopped by to see our sweet girl one last time on her birthday.  This visit was harder than the morning.  Daniel and I sat on a nearby bench and enjoyed the pretty breeze and let Briley play for a bit.  We talked about how at times it still doesn't seem real that his Mom is gone or that this happened to Hadley.  Even a year later we are still in shock and grieving hard. 

On the way home I listened to Hadley's song, Bring the Rain, and I told Daniel that I couldn't remember the last time I had listened to this song.  Each time I tried to before it was too hard and I always turned it off.  I think it had been at least 6 months since I had listened to it.  So I let it play and the rain definitely came.  I cried HARD.  Daniel rubbed my back and sweet Briley said, "Mommy it's ok, dont' cry, I'll take care of you."  She always finds a way to humble me.  In her sweet voice, in Daniel's comforting touch, and Hadley's presence in my tears, God was saying, "My dear sweet Melissa...give me all your hurt, your pain, your anger, your fears...I CARE for you more than you can imagine."
 "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more." Psalm 71:20-21
We made it through the first year because of the one that cares about us the most.