Day 25

Day 25 {Baby Shower/Blessing} I didn't make it to my baby shower with Hadley.  I was in the hospital at 19 weeks and she was born at 23 weeks.  Her shower was going to be at the 30-31 week mark. I knew that day was going to be hard when it came and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do...luckily my friends and family took care of it for me and surprised me with a spa day!!  It was so nice to be pampered and loved on.  That day was meant for Hadley and even though she wasn't physically there it was still all for her.  So thankful to my friend Tracy and my Mom for organizing it.   It was a day I will forever cherish!!

~Melissa

Day 22, 23, 24

Day 22 {Place of Care/Birth} We were so blessed to have an amazing team of doctors, nurses, etc. around us when we lost Hadley.  They did absolutely everything they could for her and me.  On Hadley's 1st birthday we took flowers to our favorite nurse, Shelly.  I will forever remember the wonderful things she did for us during our 3 week stay in the hospital.

Day 23 {Their Name, Their Photo} It has taken us over a year to feel comfortable sharing her photo with others.  It's something so sacred to Daniel and I and has really taken time for us to process what those beautiful pictures mean to us.  I have a lot of guilt for not taking more, not taking some with her, not taking a picture as a family...that guilt finds me a lot on certain days and it HURTS.  I get a lot of anxiety about it...I think about the fact that she's alone in her pictures...we weren't there to hold her, kiss her, hug her.  I get sick to my stomach and then I have to remember that she is NOT alone in these pictures.  She is being held by Jesus.  I can't let my guilt take over and forget that. 

I know God doesn't want me to continue to hurt over that.  Her name gallery book has helped so much with a lot of that guilt.  Speaking of her book it came in the mail yesterday!!   It's beautiful. It's perfect. It's Hadley.

I can't say thank you enough to the family and friends that sent it all of the pictures of her name!!  If you didn't get a chance to see the digital version yet click here.
Day 24 {Their Sibling}

We talk to Briley about Hadley A LOT.  She knows she lives in Heaven with Nonnie, Jesus, and God.  Does she get it yet?  No.  Does she know what happened to her sister?  No.  But she will one day and I hope I'm prepared for that.  I know she will truly grieve for the sister she isn't getting to experience life with.  I pray God wraps His arms so tight around our family the day she truly understands that her sister isn't here and isn't coming back.  I pray God will give her tremendous peace in her heart and that she will know she will be reunited with her sister in Heaven. 
~Melissa

Day 19, 20, 21

Day 19 {Project} I just finished Hadley's name gallery project :)  Her book should be here ANY day.  Can't wait to share pictures of it when it gets here.  You can see the digital book here.

Day 20 {Charity/Organization}

 I was so blessed to know about MEND and what a wonderful organization it was before we even left the hospital after losing Hadley.  A friend I worked with had lost her sweet baby 2 years before us and immediately gave us MEND's information along with the pamphlet we received from the hospital.  If you know anyone that has lost a baby to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss, MEND is an amazing organization that you can refer them to.  It was so nice early on to be in a room where everyone understood what I was feeling.  I'm so thankful for Rebekah, the founder, and that God led her to create such an amazing ministry for families that have lost babies.
Day 21 {Altar, Shrine, Sacred Space} For Daniel and I our most sacred space for Hadley is where she is buried, next to her Nonnie. I love everything about their space.  It's in the back of the cemetary, so we aren't bothered by lots of people and it's under a HUGE beatiful tree.

Missing my girl so much this month!!
~Melissa

Day 18

Day 18 {Family Portrait}  

 

 

~Melissa

Day 17

Day 17 {Anniversary, Birthday, Due Date}
The day she was born... 2-28-2011

Her Due Date 6-28-2011

Her 1st Birthday 2-28-2012

I woke up on her 1st birthday at 2:15 am so I could tell her Happy Birthday and that I loved her so very much!!

This is the first time I have ever shared her pictures on our blog...I contemplated it for awhile but I can't think of anything else I would want to show for the day she was born other than her picture.   I told a friend today that I can't stand being "that girl" with our friends that you have to worry about telling your pregnant, or having your newborn around, or not sure to share something exciting your child did that Hadley should be doing, etc.  My sweet friend reminded me that God has chosen for me to be "that girl" and it's what I do with the path He has given me that matters most to Him.
It's not easy being "that girl" but God isn't always as concerned with our emotions as He is with our salvation.  I'm so glad my salvation is covered by the blood of Jesus.  
I may not get to spend Hadley's birthdays with her on earth but I will be with her forever in eternity because of my Savior.
Being "that girl" yesterday, today, and tomorrow just means I'm one day closer to Heaven...and I'm going to keep on living for God's glory in the midst of this pain.
Blessings, Melissa

Day 16

Day 16 {Release}

 After Hadley was born we went to the cemetery to release balloons for the month that she was turning.  I knew that if she was here I would be taking cute monthly pictures so we had to do something every 28th up until her 1st birthday.  You can visit each month here.

~Melissa

Day 15

Day 15 {Wave of Light}

Remembering...   Hadley D'Layne Bufe  2-28-2011 1 lb 0 Ounces 11 3/4 inches long   Baby Bufe May 2012    
~Melissa

Day 12, 13, & 14

Day 12 {Scent} I can still remember how my hospital room smelled and how when I opened her memory box when we got home from the hospital all those smells immediately came back to me.  It takes me back every time I open her box...

Day 13 {Signs}

Hadley gave us this beautiful sign of her rainbow (her symbol on the blog) when we were at Sea World around her due date.  I was having a VERY hard time and this was a perfect ending to our vacation!!
Day 14 {Community}

All of these people walking and all of these balloons floating away represent a community of people that pregnancy and infant loss has touched in some way.  Having a community of people around us has blessed us tremendously!!  We have never felt alone...   ~Melissa