Friday, March 18, 2011

Scars and Bruises

I have a couple scars from when I was a kid.  I have a burn scar on my left upper arm when I pulled hot tea down on myself, small scar where I skinned my knee in first grade, and a scar on my wrist from when my brother and I got in a fight over who would feed the dog and I slammed the door shut and some of the glass cut me on my wrist.  Mature I know!  I think overall I got out pretty good as a kid with minimal scars that aren't very big and you can't see unless I point out to you.  I hope Briley is a lucky :)

Not many of you know this but I had to have a c-section with Hadley because she was breech.  When I was pregnant with Briley I prayed and and prayed that everything would go well so I would NOT have to have a c-section.  I had heard horror stories from many people and who wants a scar on their stomach anyways??

I do.

I am so thankful for my scar.  Every time I look at it or feel it I think of Hadley.  It may sound silly to some but I am so thankful that I had a c-section and I have something on my body to help me remember this pregnancy and having sweet Hadley.  She had been head down for so long and she turned as soon as we got in the hospital.  I know God did that for me, he knew I would need my scar.

I also had many bruises when I returned home from the hospital.  This was from several IV's being started and stopped, shots to try and stop contractions, blood work, etc.  This past week my bruises have been fading.  I cried at first.  I was angry because I wanted them to stay.  Every time I looked at them I thought of Hadley and had a mixture of emotions, but overall I was glad to see them because it reminded me of her.  

I realized yesterday why they are fading.  I am slowly healing just like my bruises are.  The outside appearance is gone, but I still have the memory of them.  Hadley is not here but I still have her memory.  

There are so many things I want to remember about her...

-She loved when I ate anything sweet.
-She did not care for spicy foods like her sister did.  I had to steer clear of mexican food!!
-She was a busy body when I woke up in the mornings.  It was my favorite time of the day.
-She made my body start showing a lot faster this time around and I loved it.
-She thrived and was kicking like crazy even when her sweet little body didn't have fluid around it.  She was a fighter!
-She had mine and Briley's nose.  When I saw her for the first time I immediately thought I love you more than anything and you have my nose!! :)
-She was so loved and still is even though she was here for less than an hour.
-She is my angel and I know she is with me always...

 I went to the doctor on Monday for my 2-week check up on my scar and he said it is one of the best healing scars he has seen.  Yes my scar is healing and so am I.  But it and she will always be with me and I am so thankful for that.

My hospital bracelet is still on.  I can't take it off right now.  I know I will be able to one day but right now I need it. 

Daniel is going to make Hadley a shadow box for our living room to put different things in.  I might put this in there.  We want the box in the living room so we can see it always and when friends and family come over they can see it too.  Or when someone new comes over I can share the story of our sweet Hadley and how she has changed many peoples lives and was here for such a short amount of time.  She has changed my life for the better. 

I was searching through my bible this morning (particularly Psalms) and found this scripture which I have heard many times but haven't thought of in a while...

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." 
Psalm 147:3

He is helping me heal and so is my scar.

I will forever be thankful to him for giving us Hadley.

I will forever be thankful to him for taking care of our Hadley more than we ever could here on earth.

My scar will always be there and Hadley will always be waiting for me in Heaven.


Tiffany & Tristan said...

Such a precious post. I was actually thinking about the other day, how you must have a scar from the c-section and how much you must love that scar. I love you and I think you may be writing your own book someday. :)

Laura Nelson said...

Hey Melissa,
I have a scar too from my C-section which was exactlythe opposite of how I wanted to have Natalie. But I look at it in the mirror and I see strength - it took strength for me to "give up" on my plan of having a natural birth and make the best decision for Natalie's health. You're right - everytime I look at it I think about her and the many other sacrifices that I am willing to make in her lifetime so that she is happy and healthy. I am so sorry for your loss and I have been praying for your family.
Laura Nelson

Mary said...


Your writing will help you heal as well. It brought me to tears, I so can't wait to give you a hug :)

Amanda said...

I love reading your thoughts! You are such an encouragement and example to me! Love you friend!

The Cox Family said...

What an amazing and encouraging post. I am sure many women going through the same thing will gain great strength from it. Can't wait to see you and give you a big hug next week! Love you, Amy

Burchfield said...

Melissa, I am crying.
I see the prayers of many working in you and your family. It makes me want to give thanks to such a perfect creator. I love you and I am so thankful that God has taken your heart in His hands to do what He wills for you.

Heather said...

You have such a way with words. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Love you, friend.