"Someone posted this on my business page today and it's so true..."
She is right.
It is awful. There isn't a word to describe it. The pain at times is unbearable and I want to scream at the top of my lungs and ask God, "WHY AM I NOT STILL PREGNANT WITH MY SWEET LITTLE GIRL?? WHY CAN'T SHE GROW UP WITH HER SISTER? WHY CAN'T SHE HAVE A 1ST BIRTHDAY PARTY? OR GET MARRIED? WHY? WHY? WHY? When I get like this I start praying right away and ask God to bring me peace at that moment...because if he doesn't I'm afraid the pain will overtake me and my body can't handle how strong the pain is.
And then, just like that he does. I feel...peace.
I had heard the above passage before Hadley passed away. I think it was on the radio and a parent had called in to KLTY and talked about losing their child. A parent that loses a child doesn't have a name. I even mentioned this the other night when I was talking to my friend Sarah on the phone, before I read Kellie's blog.
I've decided I don't really like this. A parent that loses a child doesn't have a name??
I have many names...even after this.
My name is....
Do you know what my most important and treasured name is?
Yes, we lost our Hadley. It is definitely not what I saw happening in my life. Ever. But my name is Believer and I will continue to believe, trust, and follow Him.
I'm almost finished with the book, I Will Carry You, by Angie Smith, that I talked about here
a couple days ago. Here is one scripture she quotes that has stood out to me this week.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.
I love this passage. I'm rephrasing it for my life right now...
At times I feel like I can't bear the pain anymore, and then you bring me peace.
I know that this painful season in my life is worth everything that I will be a part of in the end.
I'm not going to focus on that Hadley is not here with me, but instead on BELIEVING and trusting in the eternal life you have waiting for me when I come home to her...and you.
I do have a name after the loss of my baby...and it's because of Him that I do.
Have a wonderful week of BELIEVING in him and who you are!!
In Christ's Love,