This next post was supposed to be part 3 of our trip and as much as I want to finish that post...I can't. It has to wait.
I'm having a hard day.
I thought getting past Hadley's due date would make things a little easier, but they aren't. I'm sitting here holding my sweet 2 year old while she sleeps and I'm longing to hold my Hadley too. I imagined this summer being busy with a 2 year old and a newborn. I dreamed about how Briley would be as a big sister and what she would think of having a baby in the house. I mostly dreamed about seeing both of them grow up together, play together, share secrets, talk about boys, dream about their future together, and become best friends.
You know the saying, "God never gives you more than you can handle"? Well, I disagree. First of all God is not the one giving me pain. Yes, his plan for Hadley was different than my own but who am I compared to his perfect plan? God didn't take Hadley away from us because he knew we could "handle" it. Honestly, I can't handle it and I can't stand that this happened. But, she was never ours to begin with. She has and always will be HIS. The same for you and me. God does everything for the good of us and all He is asking of me is to bring glory to Him.
When I'm angry how quickly I forget that God gave His son to do what?
Save my family.
My heart is breaking inside. I'm hurting more than I can explain. I have screamed out to God over and over again, "I can't do this...why is this happening to us....WHY??".
Losing Hadley was/is more than I can handle. But it's not about
my grief or pain, it's about how I can bring glory to my God...even in times of sorrow.
I'm remembering tonight that my grief is only temporary and HIS love is eternal.
"In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16
In Christ's Love,