Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Happyache

Hadley,
 
I'm happyache.
 
I'm happy because Delaney is here, alive, and healthy.
 
I ache for you...you aren't here.
 
I'm happy because I know you are alive with HIM.
 
I ache for a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 2 month old.
 
I'm happy for a safe pregnancy with Delaney.
 
I ache for knowing why not for you?
 
I'm happy that Briley is finally getting to experience being a big sister.
 
I ache because you made her a big sister first.
 
I'm happy for every precious day with your sisters.
 
I ache for the days here on earth I will never get with you.
 
I'm happy for every new smile, coo, and laugh.
 
I ache to see you smile, coo, and laugh.
 
I'm happy that my arms don't feel so empty.
 
I ache for you to be in them.
 
I'm happy that God is mending my broken heart.
 
I ache for the day it is completely healed.
 
I'm happy that God allowed me to carry you for 160 days.
 
I ache for the 938 days I've missed.
 
I'm happy God can turn weeping at night to JOY in the morning.
 
I ache to see your face.
 
I'm happy I was able to kiss it.
 
I'm happy you will always be watching over your sisters.
 
I ache that you went before me.
 
I'm happy your Daddy is the best girl Daddy ever.
 
I ache to see him be a Daddy to you.
 
I'm happy you changed me.
 
I ache because I'm happy.
 
I'm happyache.
 
Hadley I miss you...
 
Love,
Mommy

2 comments:

Sara said...

Oh Melissa... I think most baby loss mamas can TOTALLY agree with all that you said... such familiar feelings... Praying for you as you continue to love those precious girls here with you and as you long for a joyful reunion in Heaven with Hadley!

Anonymous said...

Dear Melissa, It must be so hard for you. Keep trusting in God. You are an inspiration to us all.