Monday, April 4, 2011


It has been 5 weeks since Hadley went to Heaven.

After reading this quote, I thought about Joy.

"Oh sweet Hadley, do you know how much Joy you brought to this world?"

She knows.  
She knows how much we love her.  
She knows how much Jesus loves her.  
She knows that she changed my life for the better.

This is my last week at home with Briley and Daniel.  On Friday, I will go for a half day at school and then officially start Monday with my class.  

I'm nervous, scared, excited, etc. to start back working. 

I'm nervous to leave Daniel and Briley.  I will miss them so much and this time at home with them has been precious to me.  JOY.

I'm scared to hear what my kids might ask about Hadley.  I know God will give me the right answers to their questions and I feel like it will help in my healing.  JOY.

I'm scared that going back to work means starting "real" life again.  Real life starting back means time that has passed since I held my sweet Hadley.  JOY.

I'm scared that I won't have time to write.  Writing has become my saving grace and outlet during this.  I love to write about her.  JOY.

Hadley is bringing JOY to my shadows, fears, and reservations.

Hadley is my eternal JOY.

I want to leave you with a question today...

Are you always striving to find Joy in the shadows?  

It is a hard thing to do here on earth.  Sometimes it takes looking in that dark and scary corner you never thought of.  For the rest of my life I will strive to look for Joy in the shadows.  

Because of Him and because of Hadley.

He has given us Joy as a gift...why not take it?

In Christ's Love,


Laura said...

I thought about you last night as I was tucking Natalie into bed because I know Sundays are hard for you. I said a little prayer - I hope this last week at home goes well and that the transition back to school goes smoothly for you, your family and your kiddos at school. And that's something else that can give you joy - those little munchkin grins and munchkin hugs. :)

Deb said...

Not sure if this is how you're feeling, but I knew that I wasn't going to be ready to be peppered with the questions of kindergartners on my first day. I had a close teacher friend of mine talk to the kids before I came into the room. The kids already knew what happened, so she talked about keeping Nathan in their hearts, but not on their lips. She explained that I would need extra good behavior and a few extra hugs. (other teachers also talked to their children re: questions) We talked about it when I was ready. I also went in a half day (morning) my first day. It worked for me because mornings are super busy and I didn't have much tim to think. I'll be praying for you.

Anonymous said...

For me personally I look for joy and God's blessing all through being a military wife. While I am very proud. It is also very hard and challenging at times...I try to focus on the blessings my husbands safety and protection over the obvious fact that we are apart. The Lord, my children, family, and friends bring me great joy and encouragement in those trying times!!

Paty said...

Thank you for posting this. A friend of mine's mom has cancer that has metastasized. She is now in hospice care. Looking for joy in the dark shadow that is cancer is hard but I think its worth looking for it. Thank you for giving me something to share with them.

Also, best of luck as you go back to work. I'm sure sweet Hadley will be right with you holding you all the way.